These days, it seems as if more and more people are dealing with the death of a loved one. Be it from Cancer, ailing health, accidents or suicide, the death of a loved one will be the hardest experience many will go through.
Death has such a ripple effect, it affects the one who loses a loved one and it affects the friends that feel at a loss about what to say to the mourner. Although I am no psychologist, I have lost my 2 brothers to suicide in the last 3 years so I can offer first hand experience and personal advice.
Death has 7 stages:
- Shock or Disbelief
I have experienced all these stages and most likely, I am still going through the stages. Some days are worse than others and at times, I still feel a great loss and emptiness. There is no time limit as to when one will feel happier and there is no guarantee that one will ever feel “back to normal.” Everyone grieves differently and death has an effect on one that is unpredictable.
What I do know is I decide when and how life stops, or begins again. I mean, only I have the power and ability to make myself happy and I am the only one who can walk through all the sadness and loss and make myself better. I know that what I focus on expands and so I have consciously decided, I am going to focus on the good memories and celebrate the lives of my brothers, Ricardo and Isaac. No longer will I fixate on the way my brothers (Ricardo and Isaac) died, how they must have felt the day they decided to take their own lives, all the “what ifs” and what I could have done to prevent this death from taking place. All these thoughts keep me in the black hole of depression and prevents me from getting out.
So my advice to you is, allow yourself to truly feel the loss. Allow yourself to think about your loved one, as much as, you need and allow the process of grief to take place. Don’t apologize for your sadness and don’t worry about making others feel uncomfortable. You have lost one of the most important people in your life and you need to give yourself the time and space to heal.